Author Archives: Dave

Christmas happened largely in flashbacks this year.

I went back to where my parents live for Christmas, and spent a few days there. It’s one state over from me…a few hours drive. My parents still live in the same home where I grew up. I only usually make it back there about once a year, and that is usually over Christmas. My parents are doing this whole “trading spaces” home renovation thing…it’s really cool, and they’re totally proud of it, and all about showing their work off to me when I get there. And I suppose that the fact that they live in the same house and the same town that I grew up in would naturally lend itself to memories. This year, though, it was odd. Not odd in a bad way. Just odd. Because I kept flashing back to Christmases from long ago. I haven’t lived in that house in years, but I literally experienced memories so vividly over the weekend that it was amazing. They lasted only a few seconds each, but there were remarkable in their clarity, and left a nostalgia in the air that was so thick I had difficulty walking through it at times, although no one else even noticed it was present.

The memories came from all ages…some when I was very young, some when I was older.

I remember the excitement on Christmas Eve, the difficulty sleeping, listening for Santa to get there. We didn’t have a chimney, so I asked my parents on a few occasions just how exactly Santa made it into the place.

I remember waking up one Christmas morning to find a bite taken out of the cookie I had left for Santa, and half of his glass of milk drank. He had left me a Luke Skywalker action figure beside the plate. I remember that well. He was in his X-Wing fighter uniform.

I remember getting a race track one year. My dad had gotten a new stereo system that same year. I was very young that year, and my dad recorded the happenings of Christmas morning on a cassette tape without telling us. Then he played it back later, and I was so perplexed that my voice was coming from the radio.

“Oh my gosh, I got Optimus Prime!!!” (Yes, I was Transformers nut!)

“I’m walkin’ on air, baby!” (That one was from high school, when I got the most stylish shoes you could imagine)

I remember the back room to our house. It’s been a guest room, a den, and many other things in its various lives. But when the lights were all turned out and the Christmas lights in the window illuminated the room, it gave it such a warm glow. I used to love that room. It was frequently the “wrapping room.” I’ve wrapped many a gift in that room. My mom would help me wrap my dad’s, and he would help me wrap mom’s. That got tricky at times.

My parents used to hang a strobing Santa light in the window to the master bedroom. I used to just lay on their bed with the lights out and watch it strobe.

I could go on and on with memories that mean nothing to any of you reading this. And I understand that gifts and trees and cards aren’t what Christmas is all about. But the things that I walked away with this year are memories of an overwhelming sense of love and closeness in that home. That can never be taken away. I’m looking forward to (someday) starting my own Christmas traditions. Those wonderful memories will be the foundations for them.

Yes, I know, I said traditions. I suppose even I’m a sucker for tradition when it comes to Christmas.

Normally, my fond rememberings don’t really go back beyond high school. But for some reason, they went back much, much farther this past weekend. In retrospect, it leaves me pondering why the wonder has gone from Christmas, flown away with Santa’s sleigh as I’ve grown older. It leaves me striving to regain some sense of that magic. It leaves me curious as to why God permitted me the memories He did this weekend. Some of my family just aren’t going to be here much longer. Perhaps He wanted to give me those flashbacks as a gift, to support me as I move forward into the unknown.

Whatever the reason, they’re not just memories. They’re experiences that are invaluable. And I’m forever grateful to my family for providing me with them, and with the best home I could ever have dreamed of for my childhood. As I pursue wild dreams this year, I have the best background I could have hoped for. Not perfect. But the best.

Best wishes in your endeavors for the New Year!

I seriously am having difficulty believing that Christmas is this weekend. Wow. I was sitting on my sofa this morning, sipping my coffee, and looking at my illuminated tree thinking about what’s coming up this weekend.

I spent some time dwelling on that this week. I spoke about it Sunday night. But you know what? I haven’t read the Christmas story yet. Haven’t flipped through the pages of Luke or Matthew at all. Actually, it was another Gospel that caught my eye this week. Most of us, even those of us who really aren’t avid church-goers or perhaps weren’t raised in “Sunday School” or in church, can quote John 3:16. It’s arguably the most popular verse in the Bible.

Along with that, most people find some hint of familiarity within the words of the Christmas story: “And the birth of Jesus was on this wise…”

But my eyes wandered beyond these this past weekend, to two verses that the pastor at the church I attended read. They actually reached out and touched me, though. Because we spend so much time on John 3:16, we seldom ever notice John 3:17.

“For God did not send His Son into the world that He might condemn the world, but that the world might be saved through Him” (HCSB).

I guess that stands out to me because it sums up the reason He came. The reason that the Prince of Heaven, God Himself, left a realm more incredible and beautiful than we can ever imagine, or that our mortal words could ever express. He left it to become the most helpless of creation, a small baby. A small baby that was born in a stable that was most likely a cave and that literally smelled like crap, laying in something that animals ate from and that was far from comfortable. He voluntarliy gave up so much, voluntarily limited His access to many of His divine attributes, and became “lower than the angels for a short time” (Hebrews 2:7, HCSB). He left His throne, and assumed the stature of a servant.

Think about it. That was suffering enough.

But the thing is that He knew what the plan was before He started. He knew He was going to die, slowly, painfully, horribly. He knew that He would taste death, punished as a criminal, humiliated as society’s worst, even though He had done no wrong. He did it for you and I, pathetic scumbags as we are, even though He knew the things we would do. Not just the swear word that you slipped and said last week, not just the beer you had as a teenager, or the crack you did for years, or the girls you slept with back in the day. But the things that are even more horrible than all of that. The things you do alone at night when no one is watching. He knew about all that, too. And He still did it. Because He cared.

And today as I was rushing through a department store for a last minute gift, I barely cared enough to stop and hold the door for someone.

Not only do we fall short, but we sell His birthday short. If there was ever a resaon to celebrate, it’s Christmas. Because His arrival was the event that changed the world, His life the life that changed history, His death the death that gave us hope. It’s not about the trees and lights and gifts. Certainly, there is nothing wrong with any of those things. But we’re really good at partying without remembering why.

My prayer for myself and for everyone who might read this is that we are able to focus on what it’s about this Christmas. What it’s really about. Who it’s really about. Because if we do, it will change our life, in whatever state it may currently be in, good or bad. That concept, that truth, will shake up your world. I hope you’ll allow it to do so.

Merry Christmas!

I’ve been so busy lately, I’ve barely had time to post anything. Such is the Christmas season I guess, at its overly-commercialized best. But I’ve had something on my mind this morning that I just had to get out, so I guess the opinion writer in me is about to rear his head.

Our country was dealt a blow yesterday, and the ACLU won another victory with their empty but pleasing buzzwords and vacuous popularity. A Supreme Court justice ruled yesterday that Intelligent Design could not be taught in a Pennsylvania classroom alongside evolutionary theory because it was a form of religious indoctrination. This justice, instead of just ruling, decided to create law from the bench (excuse me for a second: his job is to interpret law, not write it), and write a long document with scathing terminology against the decision by the small-town school board to approve this policy for their classrooms. Then there were citizens of the town on camera last night, warning others across the country to be aware of what was going on in their school boards, before it was permitted to get this far.

I’m not surprised. Teaching the two theories side by side made sense, so it was a given that the ACLU would attempt to strike it down. They are, after all, in strict opposition to anything that makes sense. Now, when you compound that with the fact that it’s okay to be anything other than a Christian in America, then you get a decision like this, and several school board members who lose re-election for doing something that makes sense. Because, as always, Christians are viewed as being the intolerant bigots of society, when, in fact, it’s everyone else that has grown intolerant of us.

Again, I’m not surprised. He told us that we would be hated. I supposed its more the lack logic that fascinates me. Evolutionary theory is just that: a theory. It has yet to be proven. When you take the time to actually examine the theory, it becomes more and more implausible. The odds of life springing from non-life are so ridiculous that they almost don’t bear mention. People flock to this theory, however, because it’s an alternative to a God that they don’t want to believe exists. So they, in their fury, attempt to push Him out of reach of the rest of us as well. Because they’re angry. Because they’re scared. Scared that He just might be up there. So then, their fear leads to them to say even more stupid things, like how evolution and creation theory can co-exist, even though they are the antithesis to each other. And they get people on their side like an overly opinionated judge that doesn’t seem to understand what his role in the judicial branch of government truly is.

The ACLU is really good at coming up with empty rhetoric that sounds pleasant to us as Americans. Tolerance, freedom of religion, etc. Ironically, the only religion that they want freedom for is their own, the religion of humanism that is masqueraded as political sensitivity.

After all, we wouldn’t want anyone to be offended by all that God stuff. Whatever makes you feel good, that’s what you should do. “Happy Holidays” and warm-fuzzies to go around for everyone.

I’m really not surprised.

Have I really not posted since Sunday? It’s been a longer week than I thought.

Honestly, the past few days have felt like a year. This weekend (as alluded to in my last post) was quite an emotional bomb. At first I really kicked myself for being naive and putting my hope into someone like that, but you know, I’m not upset, because I had the courage to try. I remember this quote (from a James Bond movie of all places), “What’s the use of living if you can’t feel alive?” I guess that’s kind of where I am with that. Bitter sweet.

I think the Evil One knows that I can usually handle big things going wrong pretty well, but a lot of little ones will ruin my day. I’ve been crazy stressed this week with finals. One of my professors gave us back a final project to revamp with no feedback…the most frustrating thing in the world. I’ve studied so much my brain hurts. My internet was down for a day or so (another reason I didn’t post), and a bird unloaded on my car. I went to my last youth service with the youth group I’ve been working with this week (I’m going to miss those kids so much), and we just had the mother of all ice storms today. What a week!

Winter is the perfect visualization of everything I hate in life. It’s bleak, it’s dark, it’s dead. I struggle to find happiness in the winter. I get really depressed. I’ve actually had to medicate myself through winters with antidepressants in the past. This weekend was really bleak and dreary, which I think is why I was so wiped out by the events that happened. But today was horrible. I literally couldn’t get out of bed this morning. To go from sunny, bright days to no sunlight at all is the most horrible thing for me to experience. It takes my breath, it taps my energy, it freezes my soul. It’s bad enough that there’s nothing on the trees, very little green or brightness, and that it’s horribly cold. I can’t stand to be cold. It makes me feel so hopeless.

Everything’s frozen. I feel like my life is, as well. I actually set my desktop to a picture of a crying girl (I got it from Getty Images, it’s a beautiful shot), because I feel like that’s me, deep down inside. Crying. Fighting to get out, fighting for it to make sense, fighting for someone to understand the way I see things for a change.

I feel like it’s always a fight lately.

I was walking down the sidewalk tonight, and the trees were all leaning over, bowing under the weight of the ice with which they were stricken today. That is how I feel. Frozen, oppressed with more weight than I can bear, and dead. I can pinpoint all these things in my life that just aren’t going right, and I can’t fix them. All I can do when I pray is say that I don’t know what to do now. It’s all broken. It’s all bent. It’s all damaged.

Eventually, I know sun and warmth will come again. It always does. I just have to wait it out. But making it through the cold is hell.

You ever have one of those odd moments in your life that you almost wish never happened, but that you will never be able to forget?

Okay, okay, that’s a little ambiguous, but if you’ve had one, you know what I’m talking about. They’re a mix between deja vu and a fleeting glimpse of a future that could have been but slips through your hands.

I had a chance to meet three new people last night. One of them I had been talking to online for a while, and the other two were her family and friend. One had the potential for something more than friendship, the others were there to make the evening less awkward. I took a roadtrip to a different city this weekend at her invitiation to meet her face-to-face for the first time, and to hang out. Well, nothing more than friendship will ever transpire here, and that awkwardness that comes with meeting someone online has set in again. Things are really wierd now.

But the part of the experience that really blows me away is this:

I met three really awesome people yesterday! Artistic, passionate, talkative, real people. Nothing about them was fake. I had a glimpse into their world, and it was really touching. I may very well never see them or talk to them again on this side of Heaven. But the fact that they crossed my path for just one evening has affected my life in a very tangible way. It almost hurts that three potential friendships were jerked away, like the tablecloth being pulled from beneath the china. Well, it was pulled successfully, because I’m still intact. But, in whatever small way, I will never be the same because I met them. I saw something angelic in them, something that glimmers, that only comes in His image. I had a chance to attend a concert that was an amazing worship experience for me. I was touched last night.

This type of thing has happened to me before, with different twists. It’s just one of those moments in life that come from stepping over the edge and seeing if you can fly. Sometimes you glide for a while, and sometimes you crash, but you always come out better for trying. And the song that was playing on the radio at the time will forever be associated with that moment in your mind, so you know it was unforgettable blip on the radar of your life. But that’s okay. It came and it went, and it was supposed to be that way for whatever reason. We have to hold onto those evenings, those weekends, those experiences. They make us just a little bit better than we were before they happened.

If any of the three of you read this, I’m glad that our paths crossed, however briefly. I hope you are, as well.