A couple of nights ago, I was bored. I don’t have an issue with boredom…great creativity can occur in moments of boredom. What does tend to present interesting outcomes is the combination of boredom and the Internet, but such is our moment in history. In this particular moment of boredom, there surfaced a distinct memory of (and subsequent search for) a television series from the 90’s that I had nearly forgotten existed, Catwalk. While my memory of this series is fuzzy, and my searching didn’t yield any results on any streaming service, I recall that the acting and writing of that series was that special, 90’s kind of melodrama, but there was something about the music.
That memory brought back some other 90s shows, as well (that I have been able to locate on various platforms), and watching some of those series re-oriented me, in a strange way, to what life was like, not necessarily in the 90’s (I was sort of just drifting then, if I’m honest…trying to figure out life), but definitely to the Before Times. I’m attributing this otherwise inexplicable connection to the interpersonal dynamics and lack of pervasive technology. What I mostly miss when I think about this in particular is the fact that I wasn’t in front of a screen all day, that I was doing something that mattered, and having human contact occasionally.
Interestingly, the drama is not why I watched Catwalk originally. That series would have been my freshman year in college, which was a dramatically failed attempt at being a music major. As I said, there was something about the music in that series, a rock/hip-hop/pop fusion that stayed in my memory. I wish there existed a soundtrack somewhere, but I couldn’t find that, either. I remember distinctly a line that one of the characters said back then in one episode or another, something to the effect of how what they were doing with the band was just as valid as any symphony. I really resonated with that, because I was trying to do jazz and rock in a program that insisted on classical. The characters in that series were living a life that I dreamed of living (and was still naive enough to think could exist).
Like a lot of dreams, though, this stagnated when I reached proper adulthood.
A few years ago, my wife gave one of the coolest Christmas gifts ever. I’ve always talked about my days as a drummer and how, in another life, I would have just been in a band forever had my parents just bought me that kit I wanted so that I could take it seriously. That Christmas, she gave me an electronic drum kit that I could play without annoying the entire household. I look at it wistfully now every time I’m in the basement play room, but usually the closest that I get to playing is watching videos of various drummers from the 80’s.
Just like the characters in Catwalk, in real life, there are day jobs, and, for most of us, what we’re passionate about happens after. I’m trying (perhaps even getting better at…?) carving out that time after hours. Watching less and reading more helps that creative spark, but just being open to things is the most helpful, and, in that regard, my daughters inspire me.
I’m reaching a point where I want to…am about to, I think…re-invent myself again. I’m tempted to call it a mid-life crisis, but I don’t know if the first part of that phrase is the most accurate descriptor at the moment. I know that I want to take what’s good about my present vocation and leave the rest. Normally I’d go back to school at this point. Is that a possibility? Maybe, but doubtful. In whatever case, I’m drawing a line in the sand, because I want to see what’s next.