Monthly Archives: July 2006

So, while I’m at the beach last week, some interesting things happened to me. I don’t know if I’ll write about all of them or not, but this one has definitely been on my mind.

My wife and I (that still sounds strange to say!) were parked at a public beach access and unloading chairs and towels and stuff from the trunk of the car while another family were getting into their SUV in the parking spot directly across from us. A girl (I couldn’t tell how old…somewhere between 18 and 21) was furiously shaking the top she had on over her bathing suit and grumbling. After a few seconds, one of the grumbles became discernable: “I hate sand!”

My immediate response (out loud to my wife, probably audible to the girl as well…I need to work on that), was, “why in the world would you come to the beach if you hate sand????”

As we walked on, the girl had gotten into the SUV, only to jump out and begin dancing again…”D*&$#! There’s sand everywhere!”

I had to laugh. Probably completely insensitive of me, but I can be like that. This girl was just totally cracking me up. It has, however, left me to ponder.

We’re just never really happy with things, are we?

My wife and I were seriously stressed about a week or two ago with our finances. We signed a lease on a new place assuming the salary she would make in her field, but after finishing her master’s degree, it took forever to find a job. The place was not affordable on my income alone, but at the last moment, she signed a contract (literally two days before the wedding). A God thing? Totally. Was it the salary she could have made? Maybe not, but it’s enough. We’re not wealthy, but we’re not poor either. We’re comfortable.

So I’m reading Proverbs this week and I re-aquaint myself with King Agur’s prayer: “Give me neither poverty nor wealth; feed me with the food I need. Otherwise, I might have too much and deny You, saying,’Who is the Lord?’or I might have nothing and steal, profaning the name of my God” (Proverbs 30:8b-9, HCSB). There’s a reason that this is classified as wisdom literature. Our culture pressures us to want, ask for, strive for, and expect, the absolute most we can get. Of everything. Money, success, sex, fun…everything. That’s not what God encourages us to do. He encourages us to want enough.

I think enough differs from person to person. Certainly I know people who have been blessed with, and have the hearts to handle, much more wealth than I. I think that, in God’s eyes, that’s “enough” for them. I think what we have currently is “enough” for us.

And that’s what I should want. Instead of going to the beach and complaining about the sand, instead of wanting to “have my cake and eat it too,” instead of trying to soak the most material satisfaction I can get from life, perhaps I should loosen up, enjoy what is given to me, and do the best I can with it from there.

Maybe that would be enough.

It seems more than a bit surreal that I will be married by the end of tomorrow. I’m almost breathless about the whole thing, like I can barely look back and remember how it all happened. Sometimes I wake up and think, how in the world did I get here? What am I thinking? When did it all change?

Well, it hasn’t all changed…it’s all been completed, more than anything else. So, this morning our parents are meeting for the first time over breakfast. And then rehearsals, and….wow, this is gonna be a busy day!

And tomorrow, shortly before noon, my life will be forever wrapped up into another. I once would have said that two individual lives end and form a new one, but I don’t think that’s the case. I think we just wrap the two individual lives up into each other, ask for God’s blessing, and do the best we can. Some friends of mine have a plaque on their wall…it says, “Pray Hard, Work Hard, Trust God.” Pretty simple formula, and I think that will work for the future, as everything changes.

One of my groomsmen keeps leaving me voicemails with a countdown…

So, I probably won’t post anything for a week or so…I’m sure I’ll have more than enough to keep me busy!!

Much love to everyone!

Of all the things I’ve published or otherwise had in print, I’ve never published a poem until now! I’m excited to announce my first!!

If you’re interested, click over to Infuze Magazine (it’s on my sidebar). Go to the “Creative Works” tab on the left, and scroll down to poetry.

Let me know what you think!

I have this problem…when I get stressed, my mouth runs.

It’s a completely innocent motivation, don’t get me wrong. When my stress-o-meter reaches the red, I just need to verbalize what’s on my mind in order to release the pressure. Then I’m fine. I tend to exaggerate when I’m verbalizing, and I tend to do it in a grumbling manner.

Translation: I complain for ten minutes, and then I’m ready to deal with life again.

Unfortunately, my fiance doesn’t deal with that. When I “discuss” all of the things that makes me so upset, she goes into this thought process where she wants to fix all of it. When it’s something that she’s already been dealing with, she feels like I’m calling her a failure. You can imagine the cycle this leads to: I verbalize my feelings to let off the pressure, and then I’m happy and ready to move on, only to find out that she’s depressed, irritated, and suddenly has issues that she needs to address. Which are the same issues that I just vented. Which are now being heaped back on me, which means I will need to verbalize them again….

….sheesh….

I’d love to say that women are complicated here, but I think it’s different than that. I think that men and women function very simply and effectively on their own. It’s when we try to entertwine two lives and live them as one that things get really complicated. Of course that’s one of our primary goals…to find someone to entertwine our lives with, right? God sort of hard-wired most of us that way.

So He wants the complicated stuff to replace the effective simplicity in human dynamics.

God definitely has a sense of humor.

Moving just sucks!!

My fiance and I are in the process of moving into our new place…well, actually we basically have moved in, ’cause all of her stuff is here but not her…and my entire life is like in boxes right now. Moving is always worth it in the end, but the process of it is the most horrible thing in the world.

I have great groomsmen though, ’cause they have totally been helping with my move.

Next weekend my life as a single man will end, and my next life united with this wonderful woman will begin. Some people ask me if I have doubts, and I’m like, of course! This is the rest of my life I’m talking about…I think you’re crazy if you don’t doubt it. Doubt, after all, is where faith begins, right? We don’t truly have faith and believe in something until we doubt and question it, because that doubting and questioning leads us to really discover the evidence. Platonic as that notion is, it’s true.

Of course, I think sometimes you have to believe before you can see, as well.

So yes, I do doubt our marriage. And that doubt leads me to a faith that it will work. The doubt is a periodic re-examination moreso than an intense questioning. And I think that’s fine, because it just leads to make us more certain.

Doubt gets a bad reputation.